


why does everybody else / feel closer to me than / i can feel to them

by avosettas



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad Puns, Gen, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, big fucking pale quadrangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24208762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avosettas/pseuds/avosettas
Summary: “This is an intervention!” Terezi says from above you.“Right, we definitely need to talk about how horny Equius gets over his hoofbeasts and hoofbeast puns,” You say to the floor.“What?! No, this is an intervention for you, Serket!”
Relationships: Vriska Serket & Terezi Pyrope & Equius Zahhak & Karkat Vantas & Nepeta Leijon & Feferi Peixes
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10
Collections: Homestuck Polyswap 2020 - Prospit





	why does everybody else / feel closer to me than / i can feel to them

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ihasa (Ihasafandom)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihasafandom/gifts).



> prompt: _It's Time For An Intervention. Vriska is too much for one (or two) to handle, concilliatory-wise; but if she's going to be hanging around she needs to get papped, repeatedly, and stat! For the good of the group, if nothing else. Thus, a pact is made and Vriska's fate is sealed. She WILL be concilliated into a safe and decent person, forcefully and in groups if necessary._
> 
> dabs and hits myslef in the face by accident i hope u enjoyyyyyyyyyy

“For your own good, it would behoove you to cooperate with this.” You wince when a drop of sweat hits your face. 

“Equius,” you grumble in response. “Not only are you _sweating_ on me, I am being carried _against my will_ somewhere.” 

“I am allowed to tell you that we will not be leaving the house.” Equius is silent as he walks, even when you attempt to struggle. “...I think I may stop for a towel before we reach our destineightion, however.” 

More sweat hits you in the face. “You asshole, we both know you sweat more when you fucking pun.” 

“I _hoove_ ,” he says deliberately, deftly swinging your limp body around the doorframe into the living room, “no idea what you could be talking about.” 

Finally, the living room comes into view, and you sigh heavily, because literally _all of your quadrantmates are there_. It’s followed by a much more forced huff of air as Equius _drops you on the fucking floor_. 

“This is an intervention!” Terezi says from above you. 

“Right, we definitely need to talk about how horny Equius gets over his hoofbeasts and hoofbeast puns,” You say to the floor. 

“What?! No, this is an intervention for you, Serket!” The sharp end of Terezi’s cane pokes you in the top of the head, right between the horns. 

“Actually, she makes a good point,” Karkat says, somewhere to the left. He’d been on the couch with Feferi when you’d been dragged in. 

Terezi pokes you again, so you do the logical, adult thing, and drag her down by the cane. Unfortunately, this means Terezi lands right on top of you, elbows digging into your back. 

“Oh, we started a pile while I was getting my tea?” Nepeta says from… somewhere else in the room, but you're too busy trying to get Terezi’s legs off her head to see where. You hadn’t noticed Nepeta leave, anyway. 

“No, we didn’t Vriska’s just being -” 

“Whee!!” And then there’s another body on top of you, presumably Nepeta, and Karkat is yelling something over the din of you and Terezi trying to escape from Nepeta’s clutches. 

Finally, you drag yourself out, and stand up, dusting yourself off for dramatic effect. Terezi is still on the floor, holding Nepeta tightly. Nepeta, for her part, seems perfectly content with this, tail flicking lazily back and forth and occasionally hitting Feferi’s ankles. 

Karkat mostly looks pissed off. Equius is nowhere to be seen. Probably went to get a towel, thank fucking god. 

“Alright, are we done?” You ask, mostly eyeing Karkat and Terezi. 

“No. This is an intervention.” Terezi says again, smacking your ankles with her cane from her position on the floor. “Sit back down.” 

So you do. Eventually Equius comes back, looking slightly less sweaty. You point to him. “He needs this more than I do, I’m telling you -” 

“Vriska, you’re kind of a terrible person,” Feferi interrupts. You wince, but you know she’s serious about this because she didn’t call you “Fish-ka”. 

“This is a known fact,” you reply, trying not to show how affected you are. 

“To yourself and others!” Nepeta chimes in, still curled up on Terezi. 

“...The issue is more that you’re a fucking handful and dealing with you is like trying to herd a bunch of purrbeasts,” Karkat says finally, when Feferi doesn’t continue. “For fuck’s sake, I try to fucking calm you down sometimes and you know what? Fucking _Eridan_ calms down faster than you do, and he’s definitely less murderous about it.” 

“Don’t compare me to him,” you growl. “Anyway, how is any of this _your_ problem?” 

“Because this is some kind of weird fucking pale quadrangle and you’re fucking stuck in it, Serket!” 

...Oh, right. You groan and fall back into the couch cushions. “...Fine. What’s your plan for dealing with it then?” You raise an eyebrow at Karkat. “I assume you have a plan, anyway, because otherwise it wouldn’t really be an intervention.” 

~

They have a plan, all right. You almost wish you hadn’t asked. 

It mostly consists of someone keeping tabs on you all day and making sure you don’t do anything stupid. These days stupid has less to do with trying to kill people (and they can thank all the humans for that one), and more with hurting peoples feelings with dumb jokes and doing stupid shit that hurts _you_ specifically. Equius also tells you that in three weeks, they’ll hold another “intervention” to discuss what’s working and what isn’t. 

You try and move it to eight weeks out . Feferi negotiates it to four, which you’re satisfied with because it’s half of eight, and still longer than Equius’s initial three. 

When you hang out with Jake and John and start calling Jake “Joke”, Terezi pauses her roughhousing with John to gently reprimand you. Which is annoying. But it seems to make Jake feel better, because now _he_ doesn’t have to awkwardly tell you that calling him “Joke” makes him uncomfortable. 

When you stay up too late reading conspiracy theories and focusing on them so much that you don’t eat, Feferi or Equius are there to drag you away from the computer, get you some crackers, and wrap you up tight in a blanket. And Terezi is there too, once or twice, because you go right back to doing it after whoever stopped you initially goes to sleep. 

When you stay up late reading apocalypse scenarios and start panicking over them, Karkat or Nepeta are there to talk your ear off about something else - usually shitty romance novels or rom-coms. Or Equius is there to explain how it’s actually impossible for this particular scenario to happen, or that one to happen in your lifetime. 

“We’re immortal,” you remind him dully, clutching the blanket you’ve pulled around yourself tighter. 

“Then what are you worried about?” 

~

The month passes, mostly uneventfully. 

The worst that happens is a few panic attacks over apocalyptic scenarios (which, Equius reminds you sternly as he holds you in a STRONG cuddle, you shouldn’t be reading anyway), and a fight with Eridan. 

...He started that one, anyway. 

So when your quadrangle sits down in the living room again, four weeks after the initial intervention, you’re feeling pretty good about it. 

“How’d I do?” you ask when everyone is settled, thankfully having not had any unpleasant interactions with the floor this time. 

“Well, how do you feel?” Nepeta asks in response. She’s laying on her stomach, spread across Karkat’s criss-crossed legs and Equius’s thighs. “This is mostly fur your benefit, after all!” 

“...huh?” 

Feferi, in the armchair across from you, squeaks a bit as she spills her tea in her excitement to explain, “It’s like therapy, a little! You have to want to improve yourself - if you don’t feel good about it, then it’s not something we’ll keep doing.” 

“Basically, we don’t want you to get into fights and hurt people and yourself! But helping you deal with everything else is good, too!” Nepeta says. “No fighting means less anxiety, beclaws you aren’t afraid of retribution or revenge! 

“Okay, for the record,” you say, eyeing Karkat, because it was _his_ fault Eridan was at your hive in the first place. “Eridan started that fight.” 

“Yeah, I know, he’s a dipshit,” Karkat replies, idly running his hands through Nepeta’s hair. 

“So how do you feel?” Terezi interrupts. “I’m getting us back on track,” she says, in response to Karkat’s glare that she must smell or something. “Some of us don’t have all day, Vantas.” 

Karkat rolls his eyes. And you think. 

It’s definitely easier to stay out of fights when you have less anxiety in the first place - and it’s easier to manage when you have a whole gaggle of people keeping an eye on and keeping you from focusing on idiotic stuff, and your own stupid interests. 

You feel _safer_ , you guess. 

“...Better than I did when you guys made Equius drag me in here a few weeks ago,” you respond finally. “Having people look out for me is... “ 

“It’s good, right?” Nepeta asks. 

“Yeah. It’s good.”


End file.
